Done?

How do you know when your family is complete? This is a topic that I have been having a really hard time with lately. Do you every really know when you are "ready" to be done having kids?? I just can't seem to get over this topic. I want it both. I want more kids, and I want a time for just Eric and I. I want to go away, on a cruise, somewhere warm, just the two of us, but I want another child at the same time. Why can't I have it both?? Will the feeling of wanting another child every go away? If I were to have a third, would I be at peace with a third, would I want a forth? It is so hard. I know I should count my blessings and I am thankful for everything that I have, a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter and an amazing son....but I just can't get over the thought of being done. It is so final. I know I don't need to decide now, but if we are done...I need to go back on the pill and if not, then nothing, so in some sense there needs to be some sort of decision.

I can't imagine being done. I didn't mentally prepare myself with Brandon that he was going to be my last pregnancy, my last kick, my last craving, my last delivery, my last newborn. But again, I have one girl, one boy....the perfect American family...why would I want more?? This is obviously not something that I am going to come to a conclusion on this very night, but is something that I have been struggling with the past few weeks. I wish it was as easy as "we are done" or "we are not done". I want it both, I want it all. I wish it was easier.....